An
Interview Between Bill Clinton and Boris the Yak
Bill
Boris
This was an interview featured
on YBS (The Yak Broadcasting Station) in early November, when Bill Clinton
invited our very own Boris the Yak to the White House in Washington.
Bill: Welcome
to the White House, Boris. Are you enjoying your stay?
Boris: Yes,
Bill. I like it here in the USA, except for the fact that the public washrooms
are sort of crowded, and I get lots of funny looks when taking the subway.
Bill: Don't
worry. The American people just aren't used to seeing a yak on the train
on their way to work.
Boris: I
can see that. They all started laughing at me, and this one man who looked
homeless poked me in the rear with a fork!
Bill: Excuse
me, did you say a fork?
Boris: Yes,
I said a fork. I was just standing there, minding my own business, when
this man came up to me, licked his lips, and stabbed me with a fork.
Bill: I hope
that doesn't give you the wrong impression about America. We Americans
are really nice, friendly people.
(Boris takes
this opportunity to scratch his bum with a hoof)
Boris: Oh
yes, I am sure you are.
Bill: Yes...
so, how are things in.... you know, that place where you live...
Boris: Tibet?
Bill: Yes,
that's it, Tibet! How are things in Tibet?
Boris: Ah,
it's life like usual. Roam around with the herd, eat some grass, use the
planet as our washroom. You Americans know how it is.
Bill: Hey,
yak face, are you implying that we Americans are slobs???
Boris: No,
of course not, no, not at all!
Bill: I don't
like your tone of voice there, yak... (picks up a fireplace poker)
Boris: Hey
hey, hold on there, bubba, I'm not here to become dinner, you know.
(Bill sits
down abrubptly, ashamed by his behavior)
Bill: Yes,
I know, I'm sorry about that.
Boris: It's
okay. No one's hurt.
Bill: So,
anyhow, things are good in Tibet?
Boris: As
good as usual.... uh oh, hope you don't mind, but I just let one loose
on the carpet...
Bill: That's
okay, I'll call my secretary... (grinds teeth and calls secretary on the
phone)... she'll be here in a minute to clean that up...
Boris: Great,
thanks! Gee, you Americans sure are hospitable. When I did that at Saddam
Husein's house, he just about had me executed! However, that was a bit
different. I was retaining water due to climate change, don't you know,
and my diet was lacking in fibre, and you know what happens when you just
can't hold it in any longer, and the next thing you know, splat! A big
brown splotch all over Saddam's chaise lounge...
Bill: I don't
think the American people need to know about your adventures in Iraq, really...
Boris: Oh
no, I'm sorry, sort of got carried away there for a minute.
(Secretary
enters with a roll of paper towels... cleans up yak poo)
Boris: Hey
there, baby, what do you say about taking a walk up to the water hole with
me and the rest of the herd, so we can have a drink, and you know... (winks)
Bill: Who,
me?!?!?!?!
Secretary:
No, I think he means me...
Boris: You
bet your hooves I do!
Secretary:
I don't have hooves, first of all, and secondly...
Bill: AHEM!
Secretary:
Sorry, Mr. President... (leaves quickly)
Boris: Hey!
Umm, oh... right. So, yeah, that's about all from Tibet. (knocks over Bill's
cup of coffee... coffee lands in Bill's lap.)
Bill: Ahhhhh!
Boris: I'm
so sorry, Bill!
Bill: It's
Mr. President, you yak!!!
Boris: Come
come, no name calling.
Bill: I'll
"no name calling" you!!!! (sounds of strangulation coming from outside
the door. Secretary listens in curiously)
(Door opens.
Bill walks out.)
Bill: What
do you say about mailing Saddam a nice parting gift? (pulls out giant box...
shuffling noises coming from inside box.)
(Secretary
rolls eyes and sighs)
Secretary:
Yep, it's just another day at the White House.
~*Watch
for Boris's second interview with Saddam, coming in late March*~
*Note- all incidents portrayed in these pages are completely fictional.
If any references are made to actual incidents, they are completely coincidential.*